Born 2 Praise 2 Ministries

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Independence At All Cost?

Posted by Lorraine Serra on September 6, 2013 at 12:50 AM

I had only been married 2 years.  That was a record already if you asked my family.  They had given us 6 months.   I never understood why they expected our marriage to fail until much later.  It was evident to them, but only a shadowy suggestion to me, that I was very strong-willed, stubborn and passionate about my independence as a young woman coming of age in the 1970s.

For those who don’t know, that was the decade of the Women’s Liberation movement, demanding equality with men in a man’s world and optional undergarments….there was a lot of bra-burning going on.    It was the decade that brought us Roe vs. Wade, the end of the Viet Nam War, Watergate, the breakup of the Beatles, and the death of Elvis.

Terrorists attacked the Olympic Games in Munich, and unrest rocked the world in Cambodia, Lebanon and South Africa, not to mention the kidnappings of prominent personalities Paul Getty and Patty Hearst.

Civil rights for all was a growing theme, the TV sitcom “All In the Family” set the bar for addressing prejudice and bigotry, “Saturday Night Live” introduced a new kind of irreverent satire,  and the tech industry was underway with the founding of Microsoft, Sony’s home video recorder, Atari’s gaming system, and the first personal computer called the Commodore PET.

Activism was the name of the game.  Awareness, openness, and extremely different musical styles: glam, punk, and DISCO!  The world was changing rapidly once again.

Every decade has its major swings in culture and politics.    One can be swayed along with those changes.   Even though I was active in church in a leadership position, with a certain persona and reputation, away from that circle, I was very much part of the culture.  Talk about one foot in heaven and one foot in the world!   I lived a double life.

I had been working in the garment industry and enjoyed the sistas there so much that we often went out dancing together.   Why can’t married women go out dancing and drinking with their girlfriends, right?   Our husbands didn’t dance, so why should we be deprived?   Right?   This was the 70s…women were free to choose whatever they wanted.  And these sisters talked about the Lord, so how bad could it be to hang out with them?  Ha!  We can be so easily deceived.

My husband didn’t mind at first.  But, the regularity of this practice began to get ugly.  My “freedom”, and my relentless defense of it, resulted in a very cold and distant relationship at home.  Maybe my family was right after all.....  I was indeed stubborn.   I was not interested in submitting to my husband.  I was an independent woman.

It wasn’t easy to set my attitude aside.  Clearly, for a healthy marriage, it is a much wiser move to find activities to enjoy together.  But, underneath the activities, it is more about the heart attitude.

Strong relationships are built on mutual respect, and sincere care about others.    I think most young marriages hit this rough spot….what's it gonna be?  Your way or my way!  You can’t walk on me!    Oh, my!

The attitude Christ teaches us is one of service….sometimes it has to be sacrificial service.  And His lesson is not one of stubborn independence, but  rather, total dependence on Him.  

My attitude did not reflect His instruction.  I could’ve avoided a whole lot of pain if I had only followed Jesus with my whole heart…but, then, my whole heart did not yet belong to Him  and  it takes some of us a little longer, and a few hard knocks to get there. 

Merciful Lord,

You were indeed at work in my life, scraping off the stubborn, independent nature that can be both a blessing and a curse.   Thank you for redeeming that situation, saving my young marriage,  and changing my heart attitude slowly, but steadily.


I didn’t even cry out to You for help, not consciously!  But, you must have heard me anyway….and you knew the plans you had for this stubborn heart of mine. 

Halleluia!   I have no excuses.  You are definitely FOR me!  I am so grateful. Amen.

Won't you pray this with me today?  From Psalm 86 starting at verse 10:

For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
you alone are God.

Teach me your way, Lord,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;

give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.

For great is your love toward me.

Categories: Real Answers For Life

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