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Connecting With Your Kids

Posted by Lorraine Serra on September 9, 2010 at 12:56 PM

Connecting with your kids was easy when they were babies. Why not keep doing the same things, but adjust them accordingly to meet the different needs and interests of your kids at the stage they're in.

 

Our oldest son who will turn 20 soon recently asked me, "If you were to die today, would you feel satisfied with your life to this point?"

 

Interesting question and not at all rhetorical. Our son was very serious. Naturally, as a parent, I was curious and concerned about what generated this question. But, before I inquired further of him, I set my thoughts to analyzing my life in relation to his question.

 

If I were to die today, could I honestly say I feel I have accomplished a lot to date?  Would I feel satisfied?

 

Well, I have my regrets, as we all do, and I might have done some things differently. No doubt, there were times wasted and opportunities lost, but, overall, I can confidently say that yes, indeed, I have accomplished much, by the grace of God.

 

Here is why I can say that, and it is my hope that you will find your answer in here as well, especially if you are a parent.

 

The art, science, work and career of raising healthy, balanced, happy children is a huge accomplishment. This is a feat not to be taken lightly or taken for granted. Maintaining a happy, healthy relationship with your spouse and each child is critical, and not always easy.

 

So, if you are in this parenting process, either married or divorced, single or in a relationship, here are some tips that I have found helpful in our parenting experience. We are not finished yet! We have 3 sons, the youngest is 14 and just started high school. The second is 16, the oldest nearly 20, and we are all very connected. The conversations are easy and open. The time we spend together is a blessing. Without a doubt, our shared faith in Christ makes the diffference in being able to submit to one another, and treat each other with respect and kindness. However, that's not always the case!!  Nevertheless, we enjoy one another immensely.

 

1. My husband believes, and so do I, the best gift you can give your children is to love your spouse. The wholesome, natural show of affection, a kiss or hug, and spoken words of compliiments, encouragement, and "I love you" paint the best picture for your children. They feel secure, they see a model of commitment and an example of how to interact with the people you love.

 

Granted, it ain't a perfect world and arguments do come up. But, modeling loving behaviour has far-reaching effects. I have great friends who now share custody with their kids because of divorce. Though it is much harder, they continue to model a cooperative attitude for their kids. Their eyes are always watching and they hear everything!

 

2. Eat together- You've probably heard this before. When your kids were little, of course you all ate together. You chatted, told jokes, laughed when little brother would spit out his baby food. As they get older, kids want to tell about their day, and parents should be as anxious to listen as we were when we awaited their first word!

 

Meals together create connection time. Though our sons now have sports and after school jobs, we still work hard at eating together at least 4 times a week, even if it's really quick in a flurry of activity. The underlying effort spells out....we are important to each other.

 

3. Read, Watch, Play Together... Remember bedtime stories, or watching that Sesame Street Video for the 300th time??? Remember how you sat on the floor with your toddler and taught them how move their marker on the game board after spinning the spinner or rolling the dice? As kids get older, reading together and playing games continues to be a great way to connect. If you've been reading or listening to your kids read all along, then by age 12 it is still comfortable and comforting for kids to have you snuggle up and share the story.

Talk about what they read. What do they think? How would they make it different?

 

Conversations don't have to be about your personal situation everyday. Let imagination play into your conversations with a leading question such as my son gave me the other day.

Board games, word games, (Bananagrams is great) Scrabble, charades and group games are so much fun. Try "Guesstures". Bring out the natural "ham" and the natural "spotlight grabber" in your kids and enjoy one another.

 

Don't forget activities like hiking, biking, bowling, camping, etc. Making memories, having fun, connecting. (Even if they say they don't want to, they'll like it once you get there!)

 

4. No Tech Day - We made Sundays a No Tech Day. We attend our church services, and the rest of the day all computers and gaming devices are turned off. We spend the day with one another, or with friends or family. This is an old-fashioned tradition that still works, reaping great rewards. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.....use it!

 

5. Cherish Your Children - It is a sad fact that life is so busy, we are so distracted and pulled in so many directions that we take one another for granted. Mom and dad are exhausted, and the thought of homework or chauffering is a royal pain. But, think back to those infant/toddler days. How much time did you spend cuddling, cooing, hugging, hoisting him in the air, taking him for a walk or a pony rider? How often did you nuzzle that nose or make raspberries on that cheek, sparking fits of laughter and endless smiles?

 

Your kids need hugs! No matter their age. Just like you do ! They need to hear "You are the best and I love you. I thank God for you!" We all need to know we are appreciated and valued.

 

6.  Pray with your kids -  We still do bedtime prayers with our 16 and 14 yr olds, and they love it.  I rub their back and pray for them, for our family, for friends.  They hear me talk to my Heavenly Father, and we have a special "blessing prayer" I made up when they were babes. They always wait for me to end with that special prayer!  Nice tradition, and a great memory.

 

Yep. I can die today and know that with God's help,  I have accomplished much. I have lavished love on my husband and my kids. They each know they are so precious to me. I was never a baker, or even the greatest cook, but my boys know I'm good for a laugh, a hug, a listening ear. They can talk to me about anything and our connections are strong. With that, I am satisfied.   I am looking forward to meeting all my future daughter-in-laws!!

Categories: Marriage & Family

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1 Comment

Reply Val
8:41 PM on October 4, 2010 
Thanks! Great advice.... In addition to all the truths you have listed, I have begun to pray that God's grace will cover my mistakes (and Allen's). You see, being the sinful human that I am, I make mistakes... sometimes small and sometimes BIG. However, I believe that God knew this and still trusted me to do my best while covered in his grace. It doesn't mean I can slack off but it does mean that I can rest in knowing that he has things under control even when I don't.